Breaking Up With My Phone: Part 2 - I love it, I love it not.

This is part two of my journey in breaking up with my phone. As a reminder, I’m following a 30 day plan by Catherine Price in her book “How To Break Up With Your Phone” 

My relationship with my phone feels toxic, we need to break up, but I still want to be friends. This is part two of my journey, the first few days of taking action. 

It's been an really eye opening few days! The first step in the process is about getting really honest and thinking about what you love about your phone, what you don’t love, and what you’d actually like your relationship with it to look like.

This was the very first time I’ve ever thought about my phone in this way and it was a really interesting thing to do. 

What I Love About My Phone

When I wrote down what I love about my phone, the first thing that came to mind was how it connects me to my family and best friends within seconds. I feel comforted that my family can reach me and I can reach them. 

And I love how it helps me feel connected to my teenagers. I can track where they are and know they’re safe.

I love how it makes my life easier - from being able to extend the car-park ticket from the beach without having to trek all the way back to the car park, to being able to book the school clubs whilst standing in the queue at Tesco. The convenience of being able to move money, book clubs, pay for things, or message anyone at any time - which means I can feel productive at any moment.

 I love that I literally have all the answers at my fingertips and I can settle an argument in seconds.

 What this exercise made me realise is that, above all the convenience though, it’s the sense of security and connection that means the most to me. Having my phone near me is like a security blanket, it makes me feel safe and connected - is that weird? Anyone else feel the same?

What do you LOVE about your phone? 

What I Don’t Love

Then I moved on to what I don’t love about my phone and weirdly, much of what I don’t love about my phone relates very closely to what I love about it!

I don’t love that so much of my life now is done on it - from the food shopping to paying for the cakes in the school cake sale! 

I hate that we often have no choice to use it! Take Instagram, for example. You can’t do half of what you need to on a laptop, so you’re tied to your phone whether you like it or not to create reels etc. 

I also don’t love how easy it is to get sucked into a vortex once you open it. I might open it to check on a delivery and before I know it, I’m checking my bank account, looking at emails, checking for DM’s and then I might message someone - it goes on and on. 

Above all, I don’t love that it’s always near me - in a pocket, in my hand or on the table! I hate that I don’t feel like I can go anywhere, even in my house, without my phone (this is how I know our relationship has become toxic). That need for constant connection with my phone (the clinginess) is annoying me now! (You see the irony of course! Having just said being near my phone makes me feel safe!)

And I’ll admit, there’s a small part of me that worries about the health side of having my phone near me all the time - the radiation, the constant exposure. I know that’s probably my health anxiety talking, but the thought still sits there in the background.

I also feel so worried about all the information on my phone, my precious photos, and all my ideas and how that might get stolen in some way at anytime. There’s a huge sense of vulnerability.

Doing this was so eye-opening. Whilst my phone makes me feel connected and safe and that's what I love about it - it’s also causing me a lot of anxiety! There is work to be done here and I need to find a new way to manage much of the above. 

What do you NOT LOVE about your phone? Some of the same? Or am I a bit weird?

My Ideal Relationship With My Phone

The next part of the process invites you to imagine your ideal relationship with your phone and what you want it to look like in a month’s time. 

For me, that meant asking:

• How long do I actually want to spend on it each day?
• When do I want to use it and when do I not?
• How do I want to feel about it?

A few things became clear straight away:

• I want to reduce how much time I spend on my phone in front of my kids.
• I want to stop taking it to bed with me (and to the toilet!).
• I want to feel in control of when and why I pick it up, not the other way around.
• I don’t want to need it to feel safe or connected and I don’t want it to be a source of worry

So I have now written down, in the present tense, what my phone usage looks like and feels like and feel much clearer about what I'm aiming for. This feels really good and will help me know whether I've been successful. 

The 3Ws: A Simple Trick That’s Actually Helping

The next step in the book is one I’ve found so helpful - it’s about pausing before you pick up your phone and asking yourself the 3W’s - three simple questions:

• What for?

• Why now?

• What else?

The book suggests taking a photo of the following phrase “Why did you pick me up?” or the word “NOTICE” and having that photo as your lock screen.

This has been super effective in making me pause before unlocking my phone. Will you try it too? 

How it’s going?

So, you might be asking - how’s it going so far? 

Well… my phone usage is still high. Around six to seven hours a day, which still makes me feel a bit queasy if I’m honest. But I’m not beating myself up about it because I am taking action. 

And whilst the impact on my actual screen time hasn’t kicked in yet, my awareness has shifted massively. I’m catching myself more often, thinking:
“What am I doing right now?”
“Why now?”
“Could I do this another way?”

I’ve started talking about it more too, and getting some great tips from others, like using my laptop instead of my phone when my kids are around. Because when they see me typing on a laptop, it looks like I’m working. But when I’m on my phone, they have no idea if I’m working, scrolling, or watching YouTube.

I know it’s not a quick fix, but I’m becoming more mindful every day. I’m capturing my screen time daily and checking in with myself, something I never did before. AND I am now clearer about what I am aiming for. 

This is definitely a journey, and I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next. Keep connected for part three. 

AND I’d love to hear from you? What do you love and NOT love about your phone? Are you as weird as me! For Founder Mums Club members, I’ve created a dedicated chat to this topic in the Founder Mums Club here - 

If you’re not a member - ping me an email at [email protected].

Lots of love

Tracey

xxx